Tribute to a Friend Lost
November always heralds a sad time of year, of course armistice day reminds us all of the sacrifice of so many who laid down their lives so that we could be free. It is a very humbling time of year. Lest we forget.
For me and some of my close friends; November will always be a time where we remember a friend who was taken from us a little over 9 years ago. It is hard to believe how quickly time has passed and how long ago that actually was... the more I think about it... this is going to be a very hard blog to write. It's already taken me three weeks to piece it together. I want to try and articulate how much someone can mean to you and how a loss of someone close can effect you and above all I want to honour the memory of my best friend by introducing you to him in my own way. I've never spoken publicly about him and I rarely talk about him in private if i'm honest...but that isn't to say I don't think about him. I do that a lot.
Andy Couser was one of the good one's. I know that is a little cliché these days to say that about someone who you know, who has passed away but I'm not going to apologise for it. I certainly haven't met anyone like him since and doubt very much I will again. Andy, was an influence on me, not a bad influence (except for his smoking and drinking) but certainly an influence and still is to this day - My son is named for Andy = Cameron Andrew Wallace. My life took some crazy turns because of him passing which in part has made me who I am today.
Andy, was from Donaghadee, a small little town in Northern Ireland. He went to Campbell College before coming across to Napier University in Edinburgh to study Sport and Exercise Sciences which is where we met. What a bloke, although he was attached for the most part whilst at uni, all the girls loved him and they all got on really well with him, he was a gent, so it was no surprise. I wouldn't call him a fashionista but he had more shoes than I have socks. He was a proper lad and loved his rugby, a good bloke.
Sometimes you meet those likeable characters, Andy was one of those people and we became good mates, if not the best of mates. We played rugby together, went to uni together, socialised together and of course drank together. Drank far too much together! Not just us, there was a good crew of us who were all good mates.
We had some awesome times. 2003/2004 was great and 2004 we had the summer of our lives, we worked the doors at the 3 sisters and Faith Nightclub and drank a lot we were just completing second year of uni, if I remember correctly - just scraping through though. We had the social scene in Edinburgh nailed to a T. Thought we were the mutts nuts and back in those days, the clubbing scene was pretty decent and cheap! 50p pints! I'll give you the run down -
Monday - Revolution (Now Picture House)
Tuesday - Establishment
Wednesday - Shark @ City
Thursday - Gaia (Now Silk)
Friday - Worked
Saturday - Worked
Sunday - Sunday
We must have done that for months and probably why my memory of 2003/2004 is so bad. Big Tunes 2004 was the CD of choice and "My My My" by Armand Van Helden was a particular favourite of ours. If I had to pick one stand out night with Andy, It wasn't the booziest of nights, those I barely remember. I had to call Andy to get me home after getting drunk somewhere in Leith, i had no idea where the hell I was and he had to guide me back over the phone to some where I recognised. My favourite night was after a usual messy night at Rev. We walked for ages before heading to Faith for a night cap and ended up sitting and chatting on Lauriston Place in Edinburgh opposite the old hospital. We put the world to rights and planned our trip to Australia, planning to ditch uni about Christmas for a year and go exploring down under. We sat till about 5:00am just talking before making our way to the Spiders Web in Haymarket for a 6:00am pint. Yep, it was a full on night of drinking, that's how we used to do it back in those days. 8:30am quickly came about and we both had an epiphany - we could make the principles of coaching lecture at Uni! we made it, absolutely wrecked, reeking of booze, stumbled in - Struggled to stay awake and then went home. Pretty standard.
If I had to describe Andy to you, he was stylish, a bit on the rugged side, but his main attribute was that he was a funny funny bloke, sarcastic but funny. He was a big lad, not fat just a well built bloke but you could probably describe him as a bit of a softy, a gentle lad. All round good guy with his head screwed on and he loved a drink and a boogie. The boy band falll back was a particular favourite of his, hilarious to watch, I did it in a night club over the summer this year in a kilt, and fell on my arse. I got thrown out of a pub in Australia as well for doing it before meeting the neighbours cast. I will never learn.
I make it sound like Andy and I just drank, that's not really fair. We did have an awesome time and loads of laughs. Finishing work, Andy used to take me home to where ever I was staying in his black Renault Clio, one the way, we would play "I am not a taxi". Obviously a made up game but pretty funny, driving around town waiting for unsuspecting people to hail you and then stopping rolling down the window and saying "I am not a taxi". It's the simple things in life.
Unfortunately, We never did get the chance to go to Australia together. I don't want to get into the circumstances surrounding Andy's death, he died in the early morning of 4 November 2004 after a fall from height. What I will say is that that day was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. He was due to pick me up from work at Subway Sandwiches that afternoon and I had been dropping a few texts to get a match report of the night before, but not getting any replies which was odd. I knew something wasn't right pretty much straight away, you just get that feeling but I couldn't put my finger on it. Andy didn't show to pick me up and I went home. I was changing and about to jump in the shower when I got the call from my old boss Big Ian. He said, and I remember it clear as day "Shockers, You better take a seat son, I don't know how to tell you this... but Andy is dead." It took a minute to sink in but I said I understand and hung up. On the way to the living room where I had a couple of mates I was screaming something at them, I almost collapsed on the way to the room, my head was spinning and I just didn't know what to do, I had gone a bit hysterical and finally managed to spit it out that our friend had died.
I called home, crying, that was all I could do, I didn't know what else to do, finally manage to blurt out that Andy had died and all I remember was my mum saying "Oh No!! and then telling me that it was going to be hard but I will pull through." what else could she say.
The evening consisted with me trying to get the message out to our friends and having a lot of people coming and going. We all met down at the 3 sisters, there must have been 20-30 of us, maybe more and we all walked down to the western approach road where we met Andy's family and we paid our respects to our friend, cried, tried to get our heads around what had happened and Timmy Lowes, bless him asked if we could all pray and we did.
I got a letter through the post 2 days after from my Dad. It was a very nice letter which I still have. He explained that it was going to be tough and that mum and him knew that Andy was a big part in my life and how important he was. Mum tried to explain that "God has a reason, although in circumstances like these its incredibly hard to see what they are." Honestly, i'm still looking for that answer and I don't know if I will ever find it.
a large group of us travelled to Andy's funeral, a few people were told they could go see Andy a final time before they closed the coffin. I point blank refused at the first offer but needed that closure in my mind and Matt Thompson came in with me to see him for the final time. My head was spinning, I had never seen a body before and it didn't really look like Andy, although it was. I had a moment, said a prayer and a good bye and shed a few tears in the process, that was one of the hardest things I have ever done and have never spoken of it.
Andy was buried the next day and there were about a 1000 people at the funeral, testament to how well he was loved. I have no idea how Andy's Dad Alan did it but he gave the Eulogy and it was one of the most touching heart felt things I have ever heard. He gave us all a poem that has resonated with a few in our group of friends which is below.
I suspended my studies after Andy died and took 2 years out of uni. It took me a long time to come to grips with what had happened and I struggled for the longest time with it all, I bottled it up and tried to be strong for those who needed me to be, I actually used to write letters to Andy to help me deal with things, telling him how things were going and that we all missed him. I think a little part of me was lost after Andy died, part of the fun had gone out of life. I never had counselling although the uni did offer it, I chose to do things my own way and went off the rails for a little bit. Looking back on it all, I struggled and its thanks to a few people who really picked me up. I'm not going to name names but I hope they know who they are.
You can put these things down to life experience, they aren't nice, i'm not saying they are good experiences, but you do come out the other side knowing more about yourself that you did before and you are more resilient. My dad lost his best friend as well and I've never really spoken to him about it, and maybe I should, not easy topics but it is good to talk. It did bring me closer to some of my friends now and we will always have Andy as someone who brought us together. I haven't spoken to Andy's parents and brother for a while but they are people who I became very fond of and admire their courage and value their friendship.
Andy Couser taught me numerous things, we pulled each other through 2nd year uni for one, but more than that he showed me how to have a good time, take myself less seriously and somehow always to look for the good in people. It of course makes me sad to think about what might have been. Its the same for anyone, if you have lost someone you always try to celebrate the life and not mourn the death. It's a good philosophy and I think one that has pulled numerous people out of grief. There will always be a void, I know that. Having someone close to you pass away is never going to be easy. I should have talked about it more, so if it does happen don't be afraid to open up about it and let it out and remember that everyone deals with things their own way.
Andy's passing taught me a hell of a lot about myself. It makes you think and it takes time. They say time is the best healer of them all. That's true to a point, as you progress with your life the grief does disperse and you spend more time remembering the good times, which is always good and by doing that you know that you have lost someone special because you miss them. It's normal, all perfectly normal, we are human after all.
Martin Luther King once said that the true measure of a man is not where he stands in comfort and convenience but where he stands and times of challenge and controversy. I've always liked that... I like to think that I finished Uni because I owed it to Andy to do so, he was awarded his degree posthumously and was awarded a 2:1 which I thought was quite amusing considering the lack of work we had done up till his passing. I walked away with a 2:2 which continues to make me laugh, he will always have one up on me in that regard!
I still miss him, I couldn't tell you what life would be like if Andy was still here with us, but I do know that it would certainly be that little bit better.
May you continue to Rest In Peace mate:
Andy Couser was one of the good one's. I know that is a little cliché these days to say that about someone who you know, who has passed away but I'm not going to apologise for it. I certainly haven't met anyone like him since and doubt very much I will again. Andy, was an influence on me, not a bad influence (except for his smoking and drinking) but certainly an influence and still is to this day - My son is named for Andy = Cameron Andrew Wallace. My life took some crazy turns because of him passing which in part has made me who I am today.
Andy, was from Donaghadee, a small little town in Northern Ireland. He went to Campbell College before coming across to Napier University in Edinburgh to study Sport and Exercise Sciences which is where we met. What a bloke, although he was attached for the most part whilst at uni, all the girls loved him and they all got on really well with him, he was a gent, so it was no surprise. I wouldn't call him a fashionista but he had more shoes than I have socks. He was a proper lad and loved his rugby, a good bloke.
Sometimes you meet those likeable characters, Andy was one of those people and we became good mates, if not the best of mates. We played rugby together, went to uni together, socialised together and of course drank together. Drank far too much together! Not just us, there was a good crew of us who were all good mates.
We had some awesome times. 2003/2004 was great and 2004 we had the summer of our lives, we worked the doors at the 3 sisters and Faith Nightclub and drank a lot we were just completing second year of uni, if I remember correctly - just scraping through though. We had the social scene in Edinburgh nailed to a T. Thought we were the mutts nuts and back in those days, the clubbing scene was pretty decent and cheap! 50p pints! I'll give you the run down -
Monday - Revolution (Now Picture House)
Tuesday - Establishment
Wednesday - Shark @ City
Thursday - Gaia (Now Silk)
Friday - Worked
Saturday - Worked
Sunday - Sunday
We must have done that for months and probably why my memory of 2003/2004 is so bad. Big Tunes 2004 was the CD of choice and "My My My" by Armand Van Helden was a particular favourite of ours. If I had to pick one stand out night with Andy, It wasn't the booziest of nights, those I barely remember. I had to call Andy to get me home after getting drunk somewhere in Leith, i had no idea where the hell I was and he had to guide me back over the phone to some where I recognised. My favourite night was after a usual messy night at Rev. We walked for ages before heading to Faith for a night cap and ended up sitting and chatting on Lauriston Place in Edinburgh opposite the old hospital. We put the world to rights and planned our trip to Australia, planning to ditch uni about Christmas for a year and go exploring down under. We sat till about 5:00am just talking before making our way to the Spiders Web in Haymarket for a 6:00am pint. Yep, it was a full on night of drinking, that's how we used to do it back in those days. 8:30am quickly came about and we both had an epiphany - we could make the principles of coaching lecture at Uni! we made it, absolutely wrecked, reeking of booze, stumbled in - Struggled to stay awake and then went home. Pretty standard.
If I had to describe Andy to you, he was stylish, a bit on the rugged side, but his main attribute was that he was a funny funny bloke, sarcastic but funny. He was a big lad, not fat just a well built bloke but you could probably describe him as a bit of a softy, a gentle lad. All round good guy with his head screwed on and he loved a drink and a boogie. The boy band falll back was a particular favourite of his, hilarious to watch, I did it in a night club over the summer this year in a kilt, and fell on my arse. I got thrown out of a pub in Australia as well for doing it before meeting the neighbours cast. I will never learn.
I make it sound like Andy and I just drank, that's not really fair. We did have an awesome time and loads of laughs. Finishing work, Andy used to take me home to where ever I was staying in his black Renault Clio, one the way, we would play "I am not a taxi". Obviously a made up game but pretty funny, driving around town waiting for unsuspecting people to hail you and then stopping rolling down the window and saying "I am not a taxi". It's the simple things in life.
Unfortunately, We never did get the chance to go to Australia together. I don't want to get into the circumstances surrounding Andy's death, he died in the early morning of 4 November 2004 after a fall from height. What I will say is that that day was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. He was due to pick me up from work at Subway Sandwiches that afternoon and I had been dropping a few texts to get a match report of the night before, but not getting any replies which was odd. I knew something wasn't right pretty much straight away, you just get that feeling but I couldn't put my finger on it. Andy didn't show to pick me up and I went home. I was changing and about to jump in the shower when I got the call from my old boss Big Ian. He said, and I remember it clear as day "Shockers, You better take a seat son, I don't know how to tell you this... but Andy is dead." It took a minute to sink in but I said I understand and hung up. On the way to the living room where I had a couple of mates I was screaming something at them, I almost collapsed on the way to the room, my head was spinning and I just didn't know what to do, I had gone a bit hysterical and finally managed to spit it out that our friend had died.
I called home, crying, that was all I could do, I didn't know what else to do, finally manage to blurt out that Andy had died and all I remember was my mum saying "Oh No!! and then telling me that it was going to be hard but I will pull through." what else could she say.
The evening consisted with me trying to get the message out to our friends and having a lot of people coming and going. We all met down at the 3 sisters, there must have been 20-30 of us, maybe more and we all walked down to the western approach road where we met Andy's family and we paid our respects to our friend, cried, tried to get our heads around what had happened and Timmy Lowes, bless him asked if we could all pray and we did.
I got a letter through the post 2 days after from my Dad. It was a very nice letter which I still have. He explained that it was going to be tough and that mum and him knew that Andy was a big part in my life and how important he was. Mum tried to explain that "God has a reason, although in circumstances like these its incredibly hard to see what they are." Honestly, i'm still looking for that answer and I don't know if I will ever find it.
a large group of us travelled to Andy's funeral, a few people were told they could go see Andy a final time before they closed the coffin. I point blank refused at the first offer but needed that closure in my mind and Matt Thompson came in with me to see him for the final time. My head was spinning, I had never seen a body before and it didn't really look like Andy, although it was. I had a moment, said a prayer and a good bye and shed a few tears in the process, that was one of the hardest things I have ever done and have never spoken of it.
Andy was buried the next day and there were about a 1000 people at the funeral, testament to how well he was loved. I have no idea how Andy's Dad Alan did it but he gave the Eulogy and it was one of the most touching heart felt things I have ever heard. He gave us all a poem that has resonated with a few in our group of friends which is below.
I suspended my studies after Andy died and took 2 years out of uni. It took me a long time to come to grips with what had happened and I struggled for the longest time with it all, I bottled it up and tried to be strong for those who needed me to be, I actually used to write letters to Andy to help me deal with things, telling him how things were going and that we all missed him. I think a little part of me was lost after Andy died, part of the fun had gone out of life. I never had counselling although the uni did offer it, I chose to do things my own way and went off the rails for a little bit. Looking back on it all, I struggled and its thanks to a few people who really picked me up. I'm not going to name names but I hope they know who they are.
You can put these things down to life experience, they aren't nice, i'm not saying they are good experiences, but you do come out the other side knowing more about yourself that you did before and you are more resilient. My dad lost his best friend as well and I've never really spoken to him about it, and maybe I should, not easy topics but it is good to talk. It did bring me closer to some of my friends now and we will always have Andy as someone who brought us together. I haven't spoken to Andy's parents and brother for a while but they are people who I became very fond of and admire their courage and value their friendship.
Andy Couser taught me numerous things, we pulled each other through 2nd year uni for one, but more than that he showed me how to have a good time, take myself less seriously and somehow always to look for the good in people. It of course makes me sad to think about what might have been. Its the same for anyone, if you have lost someone you always try to celebrate the life and not mourn the death. It's a good philosophy and I think one that has pulled numerous people out of grief. There will always be a void, I know that. Having someone close to you pass away is never going to be easy. I should have talked about it more, so if it does happen don't be afraid to open up about it and let it out and remember that everyone deals with things their own way.
Andy's passing taught me a hell of a lot about myself. It makes you think and it takes time. They say time is the best healer of them all. That's true to a point, as you progress with your life the grief does disperse and you spend more time remembering the good times, which is always good and by doing that you know that you have lost someone special because you miss them. It's normal, all perfectly normal, we are human after all.
Martin Luther King once said that the true measure of a man is not where he stands in comfort and convenience but where he stands and times of challenge and controversy. I've always liked that... I like to think that I finished Uni because I owed it to Andy to do so, he was awarded his degree posthumously and was awarded a 2:1 which I thought was quite amusing considering the lack of work we had done up till his passing. I walked away with a 2:2 which continues to make me laugh, he will always have one up on me in that regard!
I still miss him, I couldn't tell you what life would be like if Andy was still here with us, but I do know that it would certainly be that little bit better.
May you continue to Rest In Peace mate:
Death is Nothing at All by Henry Scott Holland
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
